Bryanology: An Analysis of Bryan Adams' There Will Never Be Another Tonight

Forget Dylanology, there's a new pseudo-science on the block: Bryanology, the close literary analysis of the major lyrical works of Canada's Poet Laureate, Bryan Adams.

Today's study is of Adams' 1991 hit There Will Never Be Another Tonight (UK #31). This is one of my favourite songs ever. I'm not joking. It's virtuoso use of language is astonishing. Bryan Adams sets off one lyrical firework after another in frantic pursuit of an apt metaphor to describe his Catherine Wheel of a lover. So set this video (shot at Sheffield Arena, Rachel Weisz in the crowd) to run in the background and I'll talk you through it.

From the very beginning, Adams struggles with the common notions of femininity:

Put on your best dress darling,
Can't you see the time is right?
There will never be another tonight.

But he clearly feels constrained by these clichéd words; this woman defies the accepted rules of description. And so he launches a passionate quest for the words that can capture his lover's beauty.

First the lady-love is some sort of vehicle:

If you got your motor runnin',
Then I got my engines on,
Say the word and darlin' we'll be gone.

Then she's a witch with diabolic tendencies:

You gotta ride your broom right into my room,
Kick off your shoes make yourself at home,
Wave your little wand - weave a little spell,
Make a little magic - raise some hell.

Then, is she a boat? -

Let the wind fill your sails...

No, Adams explains, she's a wind-powered train:

A runaway train ridin' on the rails.

She's a wind-powered train, Adams elucidates, at a baseball match:

We got the bases loaded,
Home run - power play,
Tonight's the night we're goin' all the way.

But just when we think that he's beginning to pin this woman down, Adams changes tack yet again - she's actually a jewellery-operated torch:

Flash your diamonds, shine your lights,
There'll never be another tonight.

It's all we can do to keep up with Adams' lyrical dexterity and fecund imagination - sometimes I wonder if he is as confused as we are.

And so we come to the end of the song and it seems that only one thing is clear: Adams is totally in thrall to this woman he is unable to describe - or is he? Perhaps not:

Cause we got nothin' to lose, just me and you,
In your wildest dreams...
There'll never be another tonight.

Has this all been a dream? Does this explain the series of bizarre and contradictory images that run through Adams' sleep-addled brain? Perhaps the woman of his dreams is exactly that - there will never be another tonight indeed.